When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your spirituality, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car."

"The sand is everything else-the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your family out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal."

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

A fisherman's mistake

A fisherman is sorting through his catch on the edge of a lake when a man sprints up to him, obviously in some distress. 'Help me please,' he gasps. 'My wife is drowning and I can't swim.' He points out to a distant figure, splashing around pathetically 100 m from the shore. 'Please save her. I'll give you a hundred quid if you do.' Nodding, the fisherman dives into the water. In a few powerful strokes, he reached the woman, puts his arm around her, and swims back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, he looks up at him. 'Okay,' he says, regaining his breath, 'where's my hundred?' The man frowns back at him. 'Look,' he says. 'When I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.' The fisherman reached into his pocket. 'Just my luck,' he says. 'How much do I owe you?'


The Ordeal of Fruit

Two men shipwrecked on an island are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them the only way to avoid becoming dinner is to undergo the 'Ordeal of Fruit'. The men accept at once, and the chief sends them into the jungle to collect 100 pieces of fruit and bring them back to him. The first man comes back with 100 grapes. The chief says that if he can shove all the grapes up his arse without giggling then he will be free. But no sooner has the first grape reached his butt than the man bursts out laughing. 'What's so funny?' the chief asks. 'Don't you realize we're going to kill you now?' 'I'm sorry,' the sailor replies. 'It's just that my friend is collecting pineapples.'

The Amish go to town

An Amish boy and his father rode into town to visit a new shopping mall. All that they saw had them reeling in amazement, but the one thing that really caught their eye was a pair of shiny 'walls' that could slide open and close effortlessly shut again. The boy looked at his father and asked,'What is this thing, father?' Having never seen an elevator before, the old man responded: 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is.' At that moment, a fat lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady moved between them into a small room. The walls then closed, and the boy and his father watched in awe as a series of semi-circular numbers above the walls lit up sequentially. They continued to stare as the numbers lit in reverse order. Finally the walls opened again and a gorgeous, voluptuous blonde woman stepped out. Without taking his eyes off the young woman, the father said quietly: 'Son, go get your mother …'